Swedish Yokes: A Collection of Knee-Smackers Read online

Intermission: Little Roy Bongleboose and His Exciting Adventure

  Little Roy Bongleboose was a boy who liked to play outside, except when he was told. As fate would have it, one day, when the sun was hiding behind some evaporated kangaroo tears, his Mumsy and Daddykins told him to get a breath of fresh air: out of their hair! With and upside-down smile, he jumped out the window and landed on his bum.

  This seemed to please his parents, so Roy made off to his sand box. Here he sat building sandcastles until the moon came to say hello. At such a moment, as he was about to return to his family, Roy was greeted by a voice from behind him. He turned to look. It was the Snail Man.

  “Do I know you?” Roy questioned.

  “I’m sorry. Allow me to introduce myself. I am the Snail Man.”

  “I’ll believe it!” laughed Roy. He couldn’t help but notice that the man did look like a giant snail with arms and legs. “Well, it’s good to meet you Snail Man, but I must be back to my parents. They usually start to miss me after many hours.”

  “But you mustn’t!” cried the SM with a shocking urgency.

  “Why not?” asked Roy.

  “Because they aren’t your parents at all! They’re rock monsters!”

  “I don’t believe you!” Roy cried.

  “I swear it is so! Just take a look for yourself!”

  At the Snail Man’s request, Roy crawled up the wall and peeked his head through the window to see his parents. He couldn’t believe his eyes! The Snail Man was right. They were rock monsters.

  Roy crawled back in a cold sweat. “Good golley goose! You were right Mister Man! What must I do now?”

  “We need to find your real parents ASAP!”

  “Oh, wherever are they?”

  “I left them on Pickle Planet.”

  “Well, we don’t have a moment to lose!”

  At the drop of a hat, the two new friends went on an exciting adventure to Pickle Planet and found Roy’s parents right where the Snail Man had left them.

  The End

  A: *Yaaaaaaaaawn*. What a nap, what a nap. Let’s get back to some jokes, shall we?

  Literature:

  Q: What is the greatest book ever written?

  A: Swedish Yokes: A Collection of Knee-Smackers by Barry Raspbody.

  Q: How long is the longest book ever written?

  A: Seventy inches.

  Q: Where does Sherlock Holmes live?

  A: In his holme.

  Q: What is the Catch 22?

  A: If you get to the end of this joke book without going insane, you prove that you are insane.

  Q: Who wrote “The Tell-Tale Heart”?

  A: Edgar Allen Poke.

  Q: Where are the Harry Potter books most popular?

  A: Purgatory.

  Q: What is on Treasure Island?

  A: Sand.

  Q: What else?

  A: Trees.

  Q: What else?

  A: Rocks.

  Q: What else?

  A: Your mind, apparently.

  Q: What kind of doctor was Dr. Seuss?

  A: It turned out that he was a fraud who never went to medical school. This was discovered after a botched brain surgery. He was imprisoned for involuntary manslaughter and never wrote another book.

  Q: Did you know James Bond used to be a book?

  A: Yeah, and I used to be a lamp!

  Q: Who is the protagonist of Pride and Prejudice?

  A: I’m above reading books for women.

  Q: What was the name of Dr. Frankenstein’s monster?

  A: Gerp Genkle.

  Q: Are you an avid reader?

  A: I’m illiterate, actually.

  Q: Get out of town!

  A: When’s the next bus?

  (Both Q and A break into mad cackles)

  Q: Why do they call it “Science Fiction” when it’s not really science or fiction?

  A: Because it tastes like Apple Jacks.

  Sports:

  Q: What is Wayne Gretzky’s middle name?

  A: Baseball.

  Q: What is the longest football throw ever recorded?

  A: Seven hundred minutes.

  Q: Do you bowl with bumpers?

  A: Yes. Sadly, the Bumpers are very good bowlers and I rarely win.

  Q: Actually, I meant...

  A: I KNOW WHAT YOU MEANT!!!

  Q: What separates the good athletes from the great athletes?

  A: The great athletes sweat Gatorade.

  Q: What is the official sport of Swedish Yokes?

  A: Cricket.

  Q: How do you play horseshoes?

  A: This is the “sports” section, not the music section. Ask me again when we get there.

  Q: How many homeruns have you hit in your life?

  A: Donkey Kong Country.